I have a print of this Joseph Holmes photo in my living room.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Someone asked me if choosing to feel peaceful didn't preclude personal responsibility for the perceived wrongs in the world, and involve 'detachment' from one's feelings.
Expanded awareness involves feeling *everything*, fully, deeply, but equally. It's called equanimity, and is the opposite of either attachment or detachment.
Another word for it is perspective. While in a movie theater, where you truly are powerless to change the outcome of the script, you can, nonetheless, maintain some emotional composure when the hero dies by widening your perspective, from it's 'attachment' to the hero and the action on the screen, to a perspective that includes the audience, the building, the neighborhood in which the theater exists, and so on. This is not 'detachment', which would involve shifting your attention away so that you don't have to feel what is going on. This is expansion of your attention to include other things, which puts *everything*, including, but not limited to, the hero's plight, into perspective.
It's really similar to the kind of perspective which time gives you. You've heard the saying "How will I feel about this in twenty years". Only this perspective isn't based on distancing yourself in time, but in enmeshing yourself more in the present moment which is happening *everywhere*, instead of just your immediate vicinity.
Expansion of perspective includes everything, rather than attaching your attention only to the painful situation, which excludes everything else, or detaching your attention from it to avoid the pain, which excludes the painful situation. Attachment and detachment alike are created by exclusion, and resistance to an awareness of other things.
In terms of being effective, responsible and powerful, acting from a space of equanimity based on an expanded perspective is always more effective than acting from either attachment or detachment.
Surely you've had the experience of being at a distance from a conflict and being able to see both sides of it (while still feeling the effects of it), and being able to see things which neither party sees which could resolve the conflict.
And surely you've been personally involved in up-close interpersonal conflict with another where you've felt absolutely powerless to either resolve it or to control the anger you have toward the other person.
It's quite possible to intentionally bring the perspective you have in the first situation into the second situation. Next time you're in such a conflict, simply begin to expand your attention from its focus on the other person. Begin to include an awareness of what they're wearing; their gestures; whether they are using words that relate to vision or feeling or sound; the area you're standing in; the colors of the surrounding environment; the temperature of the air; the other sounds which are in the background; etc. You'll probably find that in order to accomplish this, your breathing will have to become more relaxed and expansive, as well. Don't do this to the exclusion of the person and your dialog. Just include more and more things in addition to them. Don't forget to include yourself.
If you succeed in this, you will find yourself more grounded, more stable, calmer, and able to achieve the kind of balanced perspective on the topic of the conflict which you might expect to have if you weren't actively participating in the conflict. This degree of perspective will also show you the way out of the conflict, and into a true dialog which ends in resolution.
This is simply an extension of the unwritten rules for effective boxing, or karate, or kung fu: Don't fight from anger.
Anger signifies either attachment or resistance (purposeful detachment). Free attention always succeeds over both. Free attention is the ability to place your attention anywhere you want to. This comes from the kind of perspective gained by expanded awareness.
Taken to the extreme, there is considerable evidence that someone existing in such a state can do more to effect positive change in the world than thousands of people clinging to narrower perspectives based on attachment or resistance, and acting therefrom.
Expanded awareness involves feeling *everything*, fully, deeply, but equally. It's called equanimity, and is the opposite of either attachment or detachment.
Another word for it is perspective. While in a movie theater, where you truly are powerless to change the outcome of the script, you can, nonetheless, maintain some emotional composure when the hero dies by widening your perspective, from it's 'attachment' to the hero and the action on the screen, to a perspective that includes the audience, the building, the neighborhood in which the theater exists, and so on. This is not 'detachment', which would involve shifting your attention away so that you don't have to feel what is going on. This is expansion of your attention to include other things, which puts *everything*, including, but not limited to, the hero's plight, into perspective.
It's really similar to the kind of perspective which time gives you. You've heard the saying "How will I feel about this in twenty years". Only this perspective isn't based on distancing yourself in time, but in enmeshing yourself more in the present moment which is happening *everywhere*, instead of just your immediate vicinity.
Expansion of perspective includes everything, rather than attaching your attention only to the painful situation, which excludes everything else, or detaching your attention from it to avoid the pain, which excludes the painful situation. Attachment and detachment alike are created by exclusion, and resistance to an awareness of other things.
In terms of being effective, responsible and powerful, acting from a space of equanimity based on an expanded perspective is always more effective than acting from either attachment or detachment.
Surely you've had the experience of being at a distance from a conflict and being able to see both sides of it (while still feeling the effects of it), and being able to see things which neither party sees which could resolve the conflict.
And surely you've been personally involved in up-close interpersonal conflict with another where you've felt absolutely powerless to either resolve it or to control the anger you have toward the other person.
It's quite possible to intentionally bring the perspective you have in the first situation into the second situation. Next time you're in such a conflict, simply begin to expand your attention from its focus on the other person. Begin to include an awareness of what they're wearing; their gestures; whether they are using words that relate to vision or feeling or sound; the area you're standing in; the colors of the surrounding environment; the temperature of the air; the other sounds which are in the background; etc. You'll probably find that in order to accomplish this, your breathing will have to become more relaxed and expansive, as well. Don't do this to the exclusion of the person and your dialog. Just include more and more things in addition to them. Don't forget to include yourself.
If you succeed in this, you will find yourself more grounded, more stable, calmer, and able to achieve the kind of balanced perspective on the topic of the conflict which you might expect to have if you weren't actively participating in the conflict. This degree of perspective will also show you the way out of the conflict, and into a true dialog which ends in resolution.
This is simply an extension of the unwritten rules for effective boxing, or karate, or kung fu: Don't fight from anger.
Anger signifies either attachment or resistance (purposeful detachment). Free attention always succeeds over both. Free attention is the ability to place your attention anywhere you want to. This comes from the kind of perspective gained by expanded awareness.
Taken to the extreme, there is considerable evidence that someone existing in such a state can do more to effect positive change in the world than thousands of people clinging to narrower perspectives based on attachment or resistance, and acting therefrom.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)